Swirl Antara

) and foreboding dark forest that wrapped around the periphery of the town like a finger this phrase should be changed, maybe to and the foreboding dark forest that wrapped ...

from its sheath at her flank flank is a very horsey word to use, I would use something like calf or thigh What passes Jerome? This is clearly not the ...

Chapter One: Where It All Began It all began in New York City. Krista lived in the Park Ave. Hotel, on the fifteenth floor. Her parents were very wealthy. Why ...

It's interesting, and definitly builds up the suspense. First, You say just 'he' alot, when there's more than one he in the room and it can throw off the reader. ...

First, I agree very much with the other comments! Second, this could be longer. My prologue is short too, but this needs just a little bit more for it to ...

It's good, I just think that some line should be separated. ex. when i look outside the door to the mirror /my face is as pale as a ghosts i ...

Good story! It hooked me and I really want to know what happens next! There were some grammatical errors, so remember to proofread! Other than that, there wasn't much to ...

It really is preferrable if you put it into text. The Shadowy figure dashed with lightning speed straight at her, she screamed and was thrown back with such a force ...

There are a few grammatical errors that you probably would have found if you'd gotten someone else to proofread it before posting; just small things so I wont spend any ...

I agree with squallz, there is too much description. I write that way sometimes too; it can work well sometimes, but to much is just information overload, and the reader ...

It's good!! Who is Miki though? She (and your main character) need a little more background to them. Just add some little things, things that are unique to them as ...

A weak red glow marked the fading horizon. Gentle warm waves washed through the air, whilst hidden between them came icy whispers of winter frost. Summer was dying. The darkened ...

There are several somewhat weird grammatical errors in your story. I underlined them. I looked down at my papers that were covered in a warm glow from the candle next ...

The first paragraph is somewhat vague about the sparkles. The first time I read it, I thought the sparkles came out of his fingers, the second time, in the middle ...

Good story, the first sentence really captures ones atention, but its also somewhat confusing. I didn't understand what you meant until the end of the prologue. Like the other review ...